The Celtic Music Mystery

It seems that in every American’s life, there comes a time for exploring one’s heritage and celebrating one’s roots. It’s not enough to identify oneself as a North Carolinian, or more broadly, an American. No, these days to properly have a respectable identity you have to go back further, several generations or even several centuries if needed, to find out who you really are.

That’s why we have so many people in this country who identify themselves through the use of the hyphen, such as Italian-Americans, Irish-Americans and African-Americans.

It’s Lisa, Maireal, Chloe, Meav and Orla! Music fans are currently going wild for the new age quintet Celtic Woman.

If push came to shove, I would have to say that I am an Anglo-American or perhaps Scottish-American, as I have a lot of distant ancestors who came from the British Isles. And as much respect as I have for the people who now live in the British Isles, I don’t feel any innate kinship with them. By that I mean I probably have more in common with other North Carolinians of varying descents than I do with people in Scotland who might share my last name.

Nowhere is my disregard for my cultural heritage more prevalent than where Celtic music is concerned. Considering my ancestral background, my soul should be moved to the heavens at the mere squawk of a bagpipe. Penny whistles should entice me like a rat unto the heels of the Pied Piper. My album collection should be filled with jigs and reels played by stocky red-bearded musicians with wind-chafed cheeks wearing tartan kilts and tams.

But that’s not the case.

The fact that I’m immune to Celtic music’s allure is made all the more amazing when you consider its current broad-based appeal. The album Celtic Woman: A Christmas Celebration is number nine on Amazon’s music sales charts and there’s always some kind of River Dance or Celtic music show taking up valuable time and space at theaters across the country. This Celtic music stuff is selling like warm draught beer in an Irish pub, but thus far it has failed to make much of an impression on me.

Last week I once again attempted to embrace the music of my Anglo-Saxon heritage when I went to a Christmas concert of Scottish and Celtic music (whose performers shall remain nameless). As a musician myself, I could appreciate the deftness of the playing and the skill of the guitarist, the harp player, the fiddler and, to a limited degree, the bagpipe squeezer. Unfortunately, the steady drone of the chords and the “scale exercise” quality of the melodies involved in Celtic music once again left me unmoved. I admit, it’s my problem, not the musicians’. As I looked around the audience, I saw plenty of folks nodding and smiling in appreciation of a music that, frankly, I just don’t get. I half expected the Lucky Charms leprechaun to appear on my shoulder and say, “It’s magically repetitious!”

Amazingly, every time I’m at a Celtic music show and reflecting on how repetitious a particular song is, the musician invariably explains at the end of the performance how it was not one tune, but a medley of three or four famous Celtic tunes. How could four separate melodies possibly be combined to form one long boring instrumental?

“That was a medley of olde tunes from the olde country including ‘The Sailor’s Paycheck,’ ‘Darby’s Dirty Daughter,’ ‘The Dunce Cap Reel’ and ‘Graveyard O’ Stinkin’ Bones.’” (If Celtic tunes have anything going for them, it is their colorful titles).

For anyone who thinks that my low regard for Celtic music is some kind of prejudice against musicians from the British Isles I would offer this rebuke: My record collection is chock full of music by the Beatles, Fairport Convention, Jethro Tull, Traffic, Family, Richard Thompson, Nick Drake and other musicians who have made good use of the British folk tradition. They just did so in a modern, lyrical way that utilized some instruments other than the bagpipe and penny whistle.

If it is true that one’s musical tastes are determined by genetics and heritage, then I must have some long lost ancestors from Jamaica, New Orleans and Detroit.