April 15 is just around the corner, meaning people can start saying things like, “The Tax Man cometh,” or “This day is taxing,” or “Dad, about that $500 I owed you…” Let’s face it, Tax Day is an ugly day, no matter how pleasant the weather. Your Mountain Times staff wants to lessen the blow. Despite all the negative connotations, Tax Day has the makings of a holiday – frivolous government spending, special packages, letters in the mail, surprise/shock and the potential for inebriation. Here are some of our favorite ways to observe this day.

Frank Ruggiero: Make That Infrastructure Count

On Tax Day, I plan to use the heck out of some state and federal infrastructure. First, I’ll drive on the N.C. 105

A sign that your tax dollars are hard at work, or that there’s a toreador crossing.

Bypass, enjoying the un-posted speed limit and handiwork of the N.C. Department of Transportation. There are remarkably few potholes on this roadway, especially considering its high volume of freight traffic, and there’s a helpful thermometer by the Watauga campus of Caldwell Community College & Technical Institute, another service from our friends in Raleigh. This helps me gauge how low I should roll my window down.

From there, I’ll turn onto N.C. 105 proper, admiring the seamless interchange between state and federal asphalt as 105 and U.S. 321 cross paths. It’s as if federal and state dollars are frolicking in the middle of the street. To the right, titans of franchised industry; to the left, Appalachian State University, the fruit of many North Carolinians’ labor. Then comes my turn on U.S. 421, one of the mightiest of highways to feature two-lane bottlenecks. At this point, there are two options: westbound and down toward Tennessee, Smokey and the Bandit style, or eastbound toward the office, Tennessee Ernie Ford style. I’ll split the difference by listening to a Jerry Reed track and heading toward the Blue Ridge Parkway. My American-made vehicle with Korean tires will hug the federally-financed roadway toward the state-owned Grandfather Mountain, where my cell phone signal will likely return momentarily to accept an angry voicemail from my chief editor wondering where the heck I’m at. I’ll blame it on road construction.

Scott Nicholson: Planting Savings

Scott dares the government to tax his enchanted garden.

April 15 is a great day to celebrate financial independence, and also happens to be a good time to start some plants, though too early to plant most stuff outside.

See, the government has yet to figure out how to tax food you grow and eat on your own, nor has it figured out how to tax “savings.” By that, I mean savings that you haven’t spent because you didn’t have to earn money for the thing you consumed or used. Of course, they’ll tax your savings and retirement accounts and investments and income and outcome (purchases) and land and – oh, wait, so they CAN tax your garden. But at least you’ll get yummy fresh vegetables that haven’t been handled by 32 different strangers and if you can or freeze your food, you can eek through the winter without having to worry so much about the stock market and fuel prices.
So, celebrate the earth’s bounty by putting in your two cents, putting your money where your mouth is, or earning a penny by saving a penny. After all, the current tax year is already one-fourth over.

Melanie Davis Marshall: Arguing with My Computer

I am sure to celebrate Tax Day in the same manner that I have since getting my first job at 16 – frantically yelling at my computer and cursing Turbo Tax.

Happy fifth birthday, Blue!

Yeah, I am that person. I wait until after noon on April 15 to even start my taxes. Without fail, my Internet will go down, I can’t find the W-2 from my holiday job, my dog will eat my homework, something will go wrong. I know this, but apparently don’t learn anything year to year. My immediate reaction to this assignment was to look at the calendar in disbelief.

As this is the last year filing single, I will have to change this tradition before 2010. The E-Z file won’t work next year. Perhaps I can pawn this chore off on my husband. Isn’t this why we got married? I can cook and he can argue with the IRS. Can’t wait until he reads this tidbit in the paper.

The fun part about April 15 is the day after. It is my dog’s birthday. (I am also that person.) Every year, Blue has a party. It is a great excuse to have a cookout. There is one problem with Blue’s party. My friends bring him toys and treats, therefore other dogs can’t come. Generally, he is a sweet dog and gets along well with other animals. However, after getting new toys, he doesn’t play well. After the first three people arrive he starts checking guests at the door. This is the monster I have created.