The Boy Who Cried Gunman
Matthew Haney picks the wrong time to upset college campus

When I was a little kid, one of the first books I owned was an old copy of classic tales by Aesop, Hans Christian Anderson, the Brothers Grimm and others. Compared to today’s politically correct children’s books, these were exciting, sometimes violent stories, featuring trolls, ogres, witches and the occasional talking animal.

I remember the story of “The Boy Who Cried Wolf” in my book didn’t end merely with the villagers not believing the boy who told the lie, but with the wolf actually eating him for supper.

The difference, I think, is that subsequent versions of the story had the moral “If you tell lies, no one will believe you when you’re telling the truth.” The version in my book went further by adding “And you will be eaten by a wolf.”

It’s that little something extra that helps the moral stick in the young reader’s mind.

Appalachian State University senior Matt Haney is currently learning that lies can have dire consequences. In case you missed it, last week Haney told his apartment management office that an armed man broke the door to his apartment on Hill Street. For Haney, it must’ve felt like a little white lie at the time to get out of paying for a new door. Unfortunately for Haney, the office forced his hand and asked him to call the police and file a break-in report.

In the recording of his 911 call, you can hear Haney hesitate when the police officer asks him if the intruder was armed. Right at that moment Haney had his best opportunity to drop the ruse, face the music, and find a way to pay for the door. Instead, he gave the police a detailed description of the fictitious felon and added that the armed intruder ran into the woods toward the ASU campus.

Big mistake.

Everyone in the country knows that campuses in the United States are on red alert after shootings at Virginia Tech, Northern Illinois University and Louisiana Technical College have left more than 40 people dead in less than a calendar year. Everyone, that is, except Matt Haney.

Within minutes of Haney’s lie clumsily tumbling out of his mouth, authorities had the Appalachian State campus locked down, with no one leaving or entering classrooms, dormitories or other buildings. Even if someone in the chain of command suspected that Haney was lying, everyone involved did the right thing by treating it as a possible serious threat to the students and staff at ASU.

Within an hour, the campus was swarming with police cars and news helicopters. Even though the gunman was a figment of Haney’s imagination, people reported seeing a man of his description (white, six feet tall, black Pink Floyd T-shirt) at various places in Boone.

I’m just glad I wasn’t strolling through town wearing my Pink Floyd t-shirt that afternoon.

The next day Haney admitted in a police interview that he had made up the entire thing and it had snowballed on him. The lie had taken on a life of its own, as lies are sometimes wont to do. Haney was charged last Friday with filing a false police report, a Class 2 misdemeanor, and chances are good that he will be expelled from Appalachian less than two months prior to his graduation.

Some people feel he deserves harsher punishment while others feel that the ridicule he must be getting from his classmates is punishment enough.

Where could Haney have possibly gotten the notion that it would be a good idea to lie about a weapon and put fear into the hearts of good Americans? When has anybody in this country ever gotten their way by lying about weapons or a possible threat to our national safety? When has that lie ever worked?
Oh yeah.