Every year at this time they descend on our fair country like a plague of locusts. Impossible to avoid, they set up shop in the middle of malls and in the front of every grocery store in the land. Local authorities are helpless to stop them. Homeland Security forces have failed to make a dent in their numbers.

They are, of course, Girl Scouts.

To be specific, they are Girl Scouts, Junior Girl Scouts, Brownie Scouts and Daisy Scouts joining forces on a mission to get at your pocket book. And they are armed with delicious cookies.

Now don’t get me wrong, I think that scouting is a great way for kids to come together in a social environment that encourages truthfulness, fair play and an appreciation for the outdoors. It’s just that as February winds down, I’m usually looking for a way to shed a few winter pounds and get back into swimsuit shape. The last thing I need is a bunch of cutie pie junior tycoons peddling cookies on every corner.

From what I understand, I am not the only person who lacks the willpower to just “walk away” from the card tables manned by these pint-sized merchants of calorie-filled confections. According to statistics from the Girl Scouts of America, over 80% of people, when approached by Girls Scouts, will buy Girl Scout Cookies. That’s a staggering statistic that makes one wonder how many former Girl Scouts are now in marketing, real estate and used car sales.

Here’s another telling statistic for you. During the first quarter of every year, the Girl Scouts of America become the country’s leading seller of cookies, outselling both Nabisco and Keebler. Nabisco, which makes such popular cookies as Teddy Grahams, Fig Newtons, Chips Ahoy and Oreos, was so concerned about competition from Girl Scouts that they supposedly hired a team of lawyers a few years back to find out if they could possibly shut down the Girl Scouts’ cookie-selling operation through the enforcement of child labor laws. The lawyers prudently advised their clients that the public fallout from attacking Girl Scouts would be worse for business than biting the bullet in cookie sales for one quarter of the year. Yeah, it’s hard to imagine drumming up any positive publicity from dragging a pack of 9-year-old Hannahs and Hollys into the courtrooms of America just to sell a few more packs of Double-Stuff Oreos.

Those cute little Keebler elves, however, took matters into their own hands when push came to shove with the Girl Scouts of America. In August 1998, after years of being bullied by the annual Girl Scout cookie push, Keebler decided it had had enough and acquired President Baking Company, the maker of both Famous Amos and Girl Scout Cookies, for $450 million. So in a real sense, Keebler found a way to create honest-to-goodness elves (or at least Brownies) to peddle its wares.

According to the Girl Scouts of America, the perennial favorite among the cookie-buying public is the Thin Mints, accounting for 25% of all cookies they sell each year. My personal favorite is the Caramel deLite, a doughnut-shaped wafer covered in chocolate, caramel and coconut. According to my Girl Scout cookie connection, this will be the last year for the Caramel deLite as it is to be discontinued to make room for new recipes. I’m not sure if this is true or just a ploy to get me to stock up on them. Every year there’s a rumor floating around that one of the flavors of cookies is about to say “bye-bye.” Last year the word around the campfire was to stock up on the Iced Berry Pinatas as they were about to say “adios.” Like a fool, I ignored the warnings and now have only an Iced Berry memory to savor.

In case you haven’t purchased your supply of Girl Scout Cookies, you should be warned: the price on a box of cookies has risen to $3.50. I know that seems like a lot, but lest you forget, you get a lot more for your money than just a box of cookies. 70% of the net proceeds from Girl Scout cookie sales stays with the local Girl Scout Council that sold them. The other 30% goes back to the bakeries to make more cookies. That 70% that stays here helps make sure that many of the low-income scouts can attend Girl Scout camps each summer.

And if you want to support local Girl Scouts but are worried about your waistline, here’s an idea: You can buy two boxes of cookies and take one of them to the Hunger Coalition in Boone. Normally I’d suggest sending boxes of cookies to our troops in Iraq, Afghanistan and Kuwait, but that is becoming increasingly more difficult due to Department of Defense restrictions on unsolicited mail. If anyone out there knows of a way to send Girl Scout cookies to our troops, please let me know!

Until then, remember: Girl Scout cookies are delicious and 100% kosher!